Motherhood is a never-ending series of questions—many of which are hilariously absurd. Google becomes our trusty sidekick, helping us navigate everything from bizarre toddler antics to panic-induced medical searches. Let’s explore even more laughable – and slightly embarrassing – searches that every mom can relate to.
Photo by Jessica Lewis: thepaintedsquare
1. “Is this poop normal?”
Nothing screams “mom life” quite like analyzing poop. From rainbow-colored diapers after a birthday party to textures we won’t even describe, moms find themselves in a constant state of investigation. Add to that the times we Google the phrase “help, my kid hasn’t pooped in days,” and it’s safe to say we’ve all earned honorary medical degrees in digestive health.
2. “How to remove slime from…” (insert literally anything)
Slime, the eternal nemesis of moms everywhere. One day it’s a fun craft project, the next it’s embedded in your carpet, your kid’s hair, and somehow… the cat? Cue frantic Googling: “Is slime toxic to pets?” “How to dissolve slime without ruining my furniture?” And our personal favorite: “Is it too late to outlaw slime in my house?”
3. “Why is my toddler afraid of toast?”
Children have a magical ability to turn everyday objects into their greatest fears. The unpredictability of toddler phobias is enough to make anyone’s search history read like the plot of a surreal indie film: “Why does my kid scream at balloons?” “Is there a phobia of bananas?” “Can shadows be scary forever?”
4. “What happens if you eat…?”
From crayon shavings to the occasional dog kibble, kids have a knack for turning every household object into a snack. Cue panic-Googling in the middle of dinner: “Are markers non-toxic?” “Will glitter pass through their system?” And the ever-reassuring “Can you survive eating an entire jar of gummy vitamins?” (Spoiler: Call your pediatrician.)
5. “How to explain [insert impossible question here]?”
Kids are tiny philosophers, armed with questions that would stump Socrates. “Why is the sky blue?” Easy. “Do fish get thirsty?” Huh. “Where do babies come from?” Yikes. Google to the rescue, helping moms everywhere come up with age-appropriate answers that won’t lead to another hour of endless follow-up questions.
6. “Why does my kid smell like maple syrup?”
There’s always a moment when you lean in for a cuddle and realize… your child smells weirdly like breakfast. Grab your phone: “Is a maple syrup smell normal?” “Why do kids smell like weird things?” followed by a quick scan for signs of illness. Spoiler: it’s probably the sticky hands from yesterday’s pancakes.
7. “How long is too long for a tantrum?”
Whether you’re dealing with an Olympic-level meltdown in the cereal aisle or a sob-fest over the wrong color sippy cup, every mom eventually wonders: “Should I be worried?” (Answer: Probably not, but earplugs might help.) Google confirms it’s normal while reminding you to breathe deeply and ride the storm.
8. “What animal is this drawing supposed to be?”
Kids’ art is adorable, but let’s be honest—half the time, we’re clueless about what we’re looking at. Enter Google: “Animal shapes for kids’ drawings” or even “How to compliment art when you have no idea what it is.” Turns out, it’s almost always a dinosaur or a cow. Just say “Wow!” and you’re good.
9. “How to make a school project look like I didn’t do it?”
School assignments have a sneaky way of becoming your assignments. Whether it’s a diorama or a volcano that must erupt on cue, every mom Googles how to help without looking like she just earned her own elementary school diploma. Bonus points if you can finish it without a glitter explosion.
10. “When is it okay to eat the leftover chicken nuggets?”
Every mom has stared at the remnants of their kid’s plate and wondered: “Is this still good?” Whether it’s day-old mac and cheese or a lukewarm half-eaten pizza, Google becomes the authority on food safety for moms too tired to cook for themselves. (Likely answer: It’s fine. You deserve it.)
From weird smells to abstract art critiques, motherhood’s Googling adventures never cease to surprise. These searches might make us laugh (or cringe), but they’re a testament to how much we care, even when we’re in over our heads. So, here’s to all the moms typing away at midnight, knowing that if nothing else, Google has your back.
